My Long Lost Companion...a good book

I recently quit my second job. Way back in early October I was searching, frantically, for a job. I was pumping out resumes left and right. My persistence paid off, as it often does I suppose. Within the space of a week, I got not one, but two jobs. Trust me, yes do. I'm not gloating; it soon turned into a nightmare. I went from shedding the boredom-filled tears of the unemployed to busy, busy. I left my apartment at 8:30 in the morning often not to return until 9 p.m - exhausted, irritable, and unhappy. Apart from the long hours my second job took up way too much of my mental time. I couldn't stop thinking about it, obsessing really, living in fear over the weekend that I'd get a call from an irate, demanding boss. Sometimes I did. My heart would quicken with nerves as I saw the name pop up on my cellphone.

I was so despondent, so stressed. It was no way to live. After much - very much - trepidation, I quit.

After the nix of my evening job, I felt sure my quality of life would nearly instantly improve. I imagined I would spend my weeknights reading, peacefully -- the likes of which I hadn't done in, well, years. A month later, I haven't spent more than a few minutes reading during any evening. Why is that? Have I forgotten how to relax with a good book as my trusty companion? Some nights I go to yoga after work, and a couple times I've gone to a free movie screening. Other nights I have a suds-filled outing to the laundry-mat or chat on the phone for an hour. I'm coming to the slow realization, however, that  doing these things aren't something to be disappointed about because I think I'm not pursuing my true interest. It's just living. The trick is, I suppose, to find a balance between living by going through the motions and living in a way that pleases yourself.

Oh, what a riddle do I find this thing called life.

Music in the morning

This weekend I took action -- while loafing about my apartment. I did, after all, start this blog. Preceding my tentative venture into bloglandia, I trolled sites about happiness. First to pop up on the trusty Google search was Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project (http://www.happiness-project.com/). No cajoling necessary to get me signed up for her 2012 Happiness Project. One of the projects is to create weekly resolutions that you can track online. My first resolution is to begin each day with a song and a smile.

Sometimes, when I find myself feeling down during the day, I listen to some tunes to bring my mood back up. In that case, why not start my day with an upbeat, feel-good diddy? Yesterday, morning I blared Hey Soul Sister by Train. (btw, Sunday mornings are for sleeping late in my book, so I took the liberty of turning the volume way up for my morning music fix - the neighbors had long-since been awake, I think...I hope.) Today, I forgot to listen before I went to work, so I worked head phones and youtube as soon as I got there. Won't be making a habit of that one, but I do believe it was worth it to get my spirits lifted by Stereo Hearts.

I've never been a huge music person, but I do have some fond memories of listening to music with my parents as I was growing up. The kitchen was the music spot in my house. Whenever my mom and I were bustling around getting dinner together at 4:45 pm (yeah, that was us), having a marathon holiday cookie baking session or cleaning, we had the radio going. We knew every song on our local station. I still do whenever I go home

When my sister and I were young, it was rare that my dad was at home in morning to get us ready for school. I loved when he was, though, because he would play his old records from the 70's, especially The Grateful Dead. I smile every time I hear Sugar Magnolia and Touch of Grey.

Do you have any stories about using music as a mood-booster? What are your favorite upbeat songs?

Yellow Ball

If the world is a beach, then the lives we are all trying to build for ourselves are like sand castles. Your possessions, status, degrees, promotions, they are all too weak to support you. They are but grains of sand. Water washes away, without resistance, all sand castles, no matter how elaborate or fortified.

What you really need to do is find your yellow ball, who you are -- your true self. Paw through that mound of sand. The insignificant things will slip through your fingers. They have buried that special part of you.

Join me as I search for my yellow ball.